Even in as early as second grade I remember telling myself that I needed to be quiet, follow all the rules, and try really hard on my school work in order to get the teacher to like me. ⠀ ⠀ In the 10 years I was a gymnast, I tried so hard to follow directions, not to talk back or argue (even if I was upset), and to never do anything that would disappoint my coaches. ⠀ ⠀ Even with my peers and boys, I worked so hard on this image of being the sweet, quiet, smart girl — because who wouldn’t like her? ⠀ ⠀ I never went to a high school party, never got anything less than a B in school, never even kissed a boy until I was 18. 😬 ⠀ ⠀ Guess what, being as “good” as I was, as hard as a I tried, I still messed up. ⠀ ⠀ In fourth grade I got a “mark” because I was laughing during class. ⠀ ⠀ You would have thought I was going to jail. I remember the sheer embarrassment, the twisting in my stomach, and the uncontrollable sobbing, all because I wasn’t perfect in one moment. ⠀ ⠀ In fourth grade I remember thinking, “I ruined it, everyone thinks I’m bad, no one is going to want to be my friend.”⠀ ⠀ Not much as changed. ⠀ ⠀ I have trained myself to want to be so perfect, so likable, and so accommodating that it is truly earth shattering when I disappoint others and myself. ⠀ ⠀ Here’s the honest truth: I spent more time this week crying than I did working on my business, I was too anxious and stressed to work out — all I wanted to do was sleep but I couldn’t, and I threw myself into a sad state of mind that left me exhausted. ⠀ ⠀ All because I made a mistake that I have already done everything I can to fix, and I’m pretty sure everyone else is over it and didn’t spend their whole week dwelling on it. ⠀ ⠀ I took responsibility for my actions, I made myself accountable, and I went straight to the source to genuinely apologize for my mistake. ⠀ ⠀ Maybe that’s enough... because I don’t know what kicking myself for a few more days is really going to do for anyone. ⠀ ⠀ Here’s the point it guess, maybe there are more important things than being perfect, and the best you can do is learn from your short comings and try to be better next time.
I Have Always Been the “Good Girl”. 🙄